


Sexy Phone Sex

by nostalgia



Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-12
Updated: 2011-11-12
Packaged: 2017-10-26 00:14:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/276435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nostalgia/pseuds/nostalgia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They'd said to watch out for David, but they hadn't specified why.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sexy Phone Sex

They'd said to watch out for David, but they hadn't specified why. Matt assumed it was something to do with his hair and/or Lis Sladen, but he couldn't be sure and maybe he didn't really want to know.

The actual reason turned out to be a really good one -- David wanted to have sex with him.

"But you see," said David with a hint of pleading to his voice, "I'm the only one that couldn't shag the Doctor. I mean, obviously I couldn't do one of my childhood heroes, and Chris is too serious to indulge in such perversions. But now you're here. Now _you're_ the Doctor."

"I'm not gay," said Matt for what seemed like and probably was the fifteenth time in the conversation. There was silence at the other end of the phone. "Hello?"

"I'm thinking," said David. "Okay, what about phone sex? Phone sex doesn't make you gay."

"Umm. Would it make you stop calling me every morning at 3am?"

"Probably."

Matt sighed. The rest of his face followed some time later. "Okay then."

"Brilliant! I'll be me, you can be the Doctor, obviously. We've met in a space gay bar where you're fighting Sontarans and you've fallen for me instantly because this episode is written by Russell or Steven. Probably Steven now, I suppose." David had obviously thought about this a lot.

"What about Amy?"

"Why, are you fucking her?" David was surprisingly unspoilered for Season 5.

"No! We're best friends and she's-"

"DON'T SPOIL ME. I just wanted to know if you're fucking her, that's all." David sounded dangerous. "God, next you'll be telling me who River Song really is."

"She's his mother," lied Matt.

"Liar. Anyway, let's do the phone sex thing. I'm taking off my shirt as we speak. What are you doing?"

"I'm in my bed talking to a madman on the phone. Is Amy there or not?" This bit was important to him. He didn't want her being sickened by all this.

"She's been captured by Cybermen." There was a sigh. "Oh, God," moaned David, "Sontarans and Cybermen in the same story. Add some Daleks and a Nimon and I'll come in seconds."

Matt was sorely tempted, but he knew how shit such a story would be. "Shouldn't I be going to rescue Amy?"

"You are. This is part of your plan to save her."

"...right."

"So, go on. I'm half-naked now."

"I'm... taking off my socks?"

"Be the Doctor. You're the Doctor, in your Doctor-costume," said David, eagerly.

"Then I suppose I'd start by taking off my jacket."

"Your tweed jacket?"

Matt sighed. "Yes, my tweed jacket that's made of tweed."

"Oh, God. What about the braces?"

"I'm slipping them off and undoing my bow tie." Matt switched the TV on and flicked to News 24. Might as well watch some TV if he was awake anyway. Maybe there would be something on it about him. Not that he was addicted to his new-found celebrity, but he was a bit.

"I'm going to suck your alien cock," said David. "I'm doing that now."

"I haven't taken my trousers off yet," said Matt, who had a good grasp of narrative sequence.

"Well, let's say that you have."

Matt had a sudden inspiration. "I'm caressing my sonic screwdriver and talking about Gallifrey."

"Yes..." gasped David, "Yes, talk dirty to me, Doctor."

"I see a Dalek in the distance and use my connection to the TARDIS to send it spinning out of control. A few people die and I will never forgive myself. But eventually it explodes."

"Covering me with bits of Kaled mutant. Oh, yes. I'm going to come."

Matt concentrated on the television and tried not to think about what David was doing. "Then, err, then I leap into the TARDIS and take you with me into time and space. We have an adventure with Daleks and Cybermen and the Master, and... umm..." he thought desperately, "...and one of those things that looks like a giant cock with an eye on the end?"

"Alpha Centauri!" cried David. There was a long silence.

"Are you done now?" asked Matt, eventually.

"Yeah. Yeah, thanks for that."

"If you ever contact me again I'm calling the police, do you understand me?"

"Yes. It was worth it, though, Doctor."

"I'm going to hang up now."

"IloveyouDoctor," said David.

Matt hung up and hung his head in shame. Now he was tainted. Could he ever look at himself the same way again? Could he still be the Doctor with this hanging over him? It was indeed a cliffhanger, and he knew he'd have to wait more than a week to find out how it was resolved.


End file.
